What to Expect in an IFIO Session for Duos

(a.k.a. “So We’re Doing Parts Work… Together?”)

Why You’re Probably Reading This...

You and your partner / best friend / sibling / co-founder have decided that “normal” conversation is… not cutting it. Maybe there's some friction, maybe some past tension has been building up, maybe there is a sense of disconnection, of not being seen, heard, valued. It happens, it's part of the relational dance! And, the fact that you're here shows that you care... Maybe someone suggested IFIO – Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFS’s relational cousin)...or maybe you surfed the web and got curious about this work... and now you’re wondering:

• Will we sit on the couch and stare meaningfully into each other’s eyes?

• will I be blamed for everything that doesn't work in the partnership?

• Is this just couples therapy with fancier jargon?

• Do I need to memorize my attachment style before I show up?

Let's take a breath. Below is a digestible tour of what actually happens in an IFIO session, sprinkled with Authentic Relating flavor and a light nod to Polyvagal Theory, all in plain language.

IFIO in 90 Seconds

• Origins: IFIO was developed by the IFS trainer Toni Herbine-Blank. It's based on regular Internal Family Systems, but applied to the dance between two nervous systems, and it keeps in consideration the relational aspect, giving space to explore dynamics that are at the base of what you're experiencing in the dance with each other.

• Goal: Help each partner meet their own inner parts with compassion and learn to stay connected while those parts are talking. Being the witness of each other's inner world enhancing curiosity and presence. Getting to know more of what is driving you from within that has an impact on the relationship outside, focus on the process more than the narratives (of who did or said what).

• Outcome: More honesty, less reactivity, a deeper felt sense of “we’re on the same team.” Connection over disconnection.

The Flow of a Typical Session

1. Landing & Co-Regulation

We start with a short grounding exercise: slow breath, feet on the floor. That’s a Polyvagal friendly move: it signals safety to your nervous system so social engagement (read: "talking like kind humans") is even possible. A sense of inner safety that allows you to interact from a much more grounded place.

2. Agreements, AR-Style

Borrowing from Authentic Relating, we name a few guiding principles: speak for your experience (not your partner's), listen with curiosity, and press the verbal brakes if something feels too fast.

3. Checking in With Parts

We'll explore what feels most alive or what is that you're curious about. Each of you takes a moment to notice the inner crew showing up:

• Is a Protector Part flaring with “Don’t you dare look weak”?

• Is a Vulnerable Part whispering "I'm not good enough"?

You’ll share about those parts first. I’ll translate if you get tangled in content and narratives (that is totally normal). We'll explore together what are the main dynamics that play out in your interactions and who are the main characters that are leading the action.

4. Speaking To, Not About

Once the field feels comfortable, we might shift into direct contact:

• I might be guiding one of you inside, to explore one part that needs our attention while your partner listens from Self (an open, receptive and compassionate inner state).

• Then roles reverse.

We’re cultivating a rhythm: Self → Part → Partner → Repeat. It can feel unusual at first; pretty soon it becomes a surprisingly sane way to communicate...and you'll have the chance to apply some of it on your own and use it when you're not in "session's world".

5. Witness & Repair

When a part has the mic, the other partner witnesses, not fixes. We slow down any spikes in adrenaline and reactivity (thanks again, Polyvagal Science) and practice tiny, doable “repairs” in real time. Example:

“I hear that part of you is scared I’ll leave. I’m here right now. What does that part need to feel more at ease?”

6. De-Brief & Harvest

We might close by naming what felt nourishing, what was stretchy, and which parts might need a gentle follow-up chat at home. You leave with clear next-step practices (sometimes called relational homework...but only if you'll show an active engagement in following through).

FAQs (Because Parts Love Predictability)

Do we rehash every fight?

Nope. IFIO isn’t about litigating events; it’s about befriending the internal stuff that fuels those events.

Will one partner be “the problem”?

Also nope. Everyone has protective parts. IFIO is rigged so the blame game loses its fun quickly. We get to know the positive intent that each part has and what they're actively trying to avoid, what they're protecting and how con we support them in that.

What if my partner isn’t sure about this?

That’s a part! In session we’ll give that hesitant voice respect and airtime, without letting it hijack the process.

Tips to Prepare

1. Fill out the application/pre-session form (so admin details don’t gobble our time).

2. Arrive with curiosity and as you are, with your full human mix of parts.

3. Consider leaving an empty slot in your schedule after our session, some integration time might be needed or desired and that could look in many different ways.

Final Invite

An IFIO session is less “tell me everything wrong with us” and more “let’s meet the many voices inside each of us and learn to stay connected while they speak.” If that sounds anywhere close to 'hopeful', you’re already catching the vibe.

Ready to experience it firsthand? Take the first step to secure your journey of relational exploration. Your inner families (and your real-world relationship) might thank you.